Look What They’ve Done To My Song, Ma

AnElephantCant help killing the great songs
With his usual murderous verse
You may well have noticed
That what he has wrote is
Ungrammatical and about to get worse

So if these songs were written in Scotland
And not the good ol’ US of A
The words would be changed
And be slightly deranged
These are the sorts of things they might say

Song 1
Long distance information give me Edinburgh please
But don’t reverse the charges cos they’re meaner than weegies1
Her home is on the Royal Mile near the castle way up top
Just a half a mile from the Princes Street shops

Song 2
I lost my head in Auchenshuggle
High as a kite on Irn Bru2
That’s where all the weans steal cars
And eat deep-fried Mars bars
And all the guys are on the broo3, aye me too
Ma burd4 lives there, in Auchenshuggle
And visiting can be a slog
When I get home to her in Auchenshuggle
I’ll find my dinner’s in the dog

Song 3
Shuggie came from Dumfries and Galloway
Hitch-hiked the M74 and the M8 5
Picked some pockets on the way
Caught red-handed then he was a she
She says hey babe
Take a walk down the Clydeside
She said hey Jimmy
Take a walk down the Clydeside

Song 4
Senga I said as we boarded a Stagecoach6 in Dundee
Inverness seems like a dream to me now
It took me four days to hichhike from Fraserburgh
I’ve gone to look for Old Scotia
Pass me a haggis please I think there’s one in my sporran
We ate the last one an hour ago
So I chewed on a bumblebee she ate her magazine
And her smell rose just like an open sewer
They’ve all gone away from Old Scotia
All gone away from Old Scotia

Song 5
Well east coast girls are tough
The wind blows up your kilt o’er there
And the northern girls from old Aberdeen
They’re called quinies they don’t care
The factory girls in the Central Belt can really down the beers
And the southern girls are so very cute
They play rugby boy they’re fierce
I’m glad that they are all Caledonian
I’m glad that they are all Caledonian
I’m glad that they are all Caledonian girls

Notes:
1 Weegies – People from Glasgow, Glaswegians
2 Irn Bru – Scotland’s favourite soft drink (surprised, huh?)
3 The broo – Unemployment Benefit,
4 Ma burd – My young lady
5 M74, M8 – Major roads
6 Stagecoach – A bus company

And for any reader who is too young to recognise these songs (and Meme):

Song 1: Memphis, Tennessee – Chuck Berry
Song 2: (I left my heart) In San Francisco – Tony Bennett
Song 3: Walk on the Wild Side – Lou Reed
Song 4: America – Paul Simon and the guy with the ridiculous name and even more ridiculous hair
and
Song 5: Are you kidding!!!!!!! If you can’t suss this then you probably can’t read anyway!

And you get a bonus point if you spot that the collage at the top has got nearly nothing to do with the rest of the blog.
So sue me.

About AnElephantCant

An artist/writer/poet combination whose blogs reflect an approach to life that celebrates nature and takes a tongue-in-cheek view of most issues. So you get rhymes and doodles, photographs and comment. Irreverent and irrelevant. Occasionally funny, sometimes serious, mostly pointless. https://anelephantcant.me/
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25 Responses to Look What They’ve Done To My Song, Ma

  1. Francina says:

    brilliant lyrics!
    groetjes, Francina

    Like

  2. ben0610 says:

    With apologies to Mr Springsteen

    Got a wife and wean in Rutherglen, Mac
    Went out for fags and a paper and I never went back
    Then to the Bookies and the ‘Offie’ on I went
    I cannae go home, my money’s a’ spent

    We’ve nearly a’ got a wife and a wean
    That gie us grief and cause us pain
    Wur only happy when The Celtic’s playin’
    We’ve nearly a’ got a wi-i-ife and a wean

    Like

  3. pennycoho says:

    Those whose comments have preceded mine are right. Clever and funny and oh so fun. An elephantcan’t imagine the pleasure he gives to those who visit. Thank you (I’m laughing also). Penny 🙂

    Like

  4. utesmile says:

    I have nominated you for the Beautiful Blogger Award and the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. Congratulations, you deserve it. Here is the link!
    http://utesmile.wordpress.com/2012/11/25/inspiring-and-beautiful-me/

    Like

  5. LuAnn says:

    I’m speechless over here. Perhaps when I stop laughing and catch my breath, I will think of something. 😀

    Like

  6. mixedupmeme says:

    FYI meme will not be attempting any of these. She would be laughing too hard to even try.

    I know there is always a treat waiting when I visit here.

    Like

    • AmElephantCant deny he is disappointed
      That Meme won’t record his favourite song
      He thinks number two
      Is just made for you
      If you can pronounce Auchenshuggle then you can’t possibly go wrong

      Like

  7. utesmile says:

    Brilliant, my favourite is song 5 , I love the original , but shall try your lyrics from now on! 🙂

    Like

  8. emmylgant says:

    You’re killing me here! 😉 This is un tour de force my friend!…and I will never hear California Girls the same way again.

    Like

    • AnElephantCant help but worry
      He has murdered more than the occasional song
      Mais il est content, p’tite amie
      Il t’amuse quand il ecrit
      It won’t be long till you start to sing along

      Like

  9. Alastair says:

    AnElephant makes me laugh 😀 These are so funny. I was singing them to myself in the tunes (the ones I knew) as I was reading them 😀

    Don’t like Irn Bru though.

    Like

    • AnElephantCant believe Alastair
      Who says some of those songs he never knew
      But no verbal attack
      On the wee Sassenach
      Irn Bru’s made fae girders it’s mibbe no’ fir the likes o’ you

      Like

  10. Christina ~ says:

    I think it would be funner…..(yes the ungrammaticalness is rubbing off methinks… 😉 ) if AnElephant sang his version of this song… :p I do marvel…good sir….at your genius of wit….I love it when something I read/hear/see makes me think….and that you do…very very well! Hugs ~

    Like

  11. I was going to spend a considerable time pointing out all the links between your collage and the post, but I’m just going to award myself two bonus points instead and move on…:-)

    Like

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