A Scottish Diet – This’ll Kill You!

A Boy and AnElephant indulge themselves

A Boy and AnElephant indulge themselves

AnElephantCant really deny it
We Scots have the world’s worst diet
Nothing we eat
Whether chocolate or meat
Tastes quite right unless we deep fry it

Our staple grub is haggis and neeps*
Which we don’t export so you should be grateful
We love pie and beans
Eat tons of ice cream
And shovel down mince and tatties* by the plateful

AnElephant once courts a young lady
Takes her out for a nice meal of course
He orders a salad
She says this romance is invalid
I don’t want to marry a sheep or a horse

A Scot does not care if he’s threatened
If you start any fight he can win it
But if you take his sausages
And hold them as hostages
He will surrender in less than a minute

He eats anything that is based on sugar
Munches swedgers that is candy to you
Biscuits* and cake
And his thirst he must slake
Not with Coke Zero but gallons of Irn Bru*

Mummy Elephant makes soups and stews weekly
The ingredients are random and mixed
He protests in vain
Like a fairground Ghost Train
He never knows what scary thing comes next

Now each nation has its own culture
And everyone eats what he must
AnElephant stays slim
Though he is full to the brim
By guzzling his own body weight in peanuts

Neeps – Turnip
Tatties – Potatoes
Biscuit – Cookies
Irn Bru – Scotland’s other national drink
Interestingly, or otherwise, carbonated soft drinks are called lemonade (regardless of flavour), ginger, scoosh,  and about a million other things

And do you realise AnElephant does an entire piece about food in Scotland without mentioning porridge!

About AnElephantCant

An artist/writer/poet combination whose blogs reflect an approach to life that celebrates nature and takes a tongue-in-cheek view of most issues. So you get rhymes and doodles, photographs and comment. Irreverent and irrelevant. Occasionally funny, sometimes serious, mostly pointless. https://anelephantcant.me/
This entry was posted in Daft Rhymes, humour, Scottish Stuff, funny and serious and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

38 Responses to A Scottish Diet – This’ll Kill You!

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  20. Lady Lovely says:

    I feel hungry now!

    Like

  21. Sarah Ann says:

    So do you eat porridge? My favourite Scottish exports are shortbread and oatcakes – definitely not a recipe for staying slim.

    Like

  22. RoSy says:

    I must have Scottish blood in my veins…

    Like

  23. Linda Vernon says:

    Ahaha! A delightful lesson in Scottish cuisine! Neeps huh? Hopefully there’s some sugar involved in the preparation of those!

    Like

  24. nightlake says:

    at least the elephant says he is slim with all these food. That is a great advantage:)

    Like

  25. utesmile says:

    The chinese takeaway I had in Scotland was quite alright…… haha, I did go to a butcher and had different meats and haggis explained to me. He thought I was from outer space…… 🙂

    Like

  26. emmylgant says:

    AnElephantCant be wrong
    This would kill me for sure
    But to stay warm and strong
    Their winter and spring to endure
    Perhaps Les Ecossais
    Must fry, fry away…

    Like

  27. Wot, no porrige? Love this but I think you missed out the Mars bars though I guess verse 1 alludes to it – the Deep Fried Mars Bar that we in England hear about!

    Sorry I haven’t been by for a while, been busy with new Grandbaby! 🙂

    Like

  28. Alastair says:

    AnElephant has spoken all about food
    But you forgot something I guess
    I don’t like the neeps
    Sorry there, peeps
    And you never mentioned the Haggis?

    Like

    • Er, em, actually, Verse 2, line 1, just before the neeps
      It looks as though poor Al
      Has got himself in too deep!
      But obviously this is the common or garden variety
      And not the Wild Sea Water beastie
      That threatens civilised society!

      Like

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