The Note – Friday Fictioneers

AnElephantCant speak Turkish
He may be considered an uneducated linguistic fool
But though he is a bit of a dunce
He finds it no hindrance
He has never been to old Istanbul

Once again it is Friday Fictioneer time.
Where Chief Travel Agent Rochelle provides the tickets to take us journeying through the fictional lands populated by sun-drenched scribblers of byzantine tales.
And AnIngenuousElephant.
The idea is to write a very short story, circa 100 words, based on this picture prompt (below).
That’s it.

Copyright – Sean Fallon

Copyright – Sean Fallon

The Note

As he approaches his apartment building a smile lights up his face.
She is on the balcony, engrossed in reading something.
He is home early, slipped away from the store to see if she needed anything.
They are not long married, expecting a first child, so in love.
He practically dances across the street, oblivious to the traffic.
He whistles up to her, the whistle she recognises immediately.
She looks startled, unsettled, but then smiles and waves.
A sudden gust steals the slip of paper from her fingers.
It floats gently down towards the steps where he stands, still happy.

About AnElephantCant

An artist/writer/poet combination whose blogs reflect an approach to life that celebrates nature and takes a tongue-in-cheek view of most issues. So you get rhymes and doodles, photographs and comment. Irreverent and irrelevant. Occasionally funny, sometimes serious, mostly pointless. https://anelephantcant.me/
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84 Responses to The Note – Friday Fictioneers

  1. nightlake says:

    such a well-told story..but can’t help hoping that he would miss the paper and she would reform her character..but that is impossible. the poor man

    Like

  2. dmmacilroy says:

    Deaer AEC,

    Moments pregnant with possibility and promise. Your story was a subtly told and has fired up my imagination. Hoping for a happy ending, fearing there won’t be one.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

  3. What in the world are you doing here, my beloved wife was suppossed to return today from Istanbul, but the flight is delayed…glad I will not be sharing more parallels to your story, great stuff!

    Like

  4. annisik51 says:

    ‘Oblivious to the traffic …’ red herring. Slip of paper – excellent use of a prop. Small prop with a big impact. I don’t get the bit about the Turkish language.

    Like

  5. Oh no. At least one of them is in for a terrible shock. How very sad… Very well written though, Mr Heffalump!

    Like

  6. Bastet says:

    Oh my anxiety levels raised with each happy step he made…each clue leading to disaster for the poor dumb guy…sigh. You write a mean 100 words…fantastic!

    Like

  7. My disquiet began with “He’s home early…” “so in love” bothered me a bit, of then came an inner lurch as he danced oblivious through the traffic, I was unnerved by her being “startled, unsettled” and then my heart stopped at “still”. For an elephant you’re fiendishly human in what you managed to make 100 words do to this reader. Fortunately, because you had to stop where you did, that note never arrives. WE may guess at what it contains but HE’S still happy… Great story!

    Like

  8. Sandra says:

    I enjoyed the story, thank you.

    Like

  9. emmylgant says:

    Shattered, just in tatters I am…
    You build the story so well and make it pivot on one word! Fantastic skills.

    Like

  10. zookyworld says:

    I stumbled when he was oblivious to traffic while crossing the street — I was dreading the screech of brakes and thud of impact. Then “unsettled” unsettled me, and I dreaded the note floating down and thudding impact of it hitting his hand, and then the words hitting his eyes. Can we hit the pause button and pluck the note from the air and burn it? Please? (I’m grateful to the comments, as they shed more understanding light on what was going on, but that dread is still there. Now I need another soothing tea.)

    Like

    • Thank you for your comment.
      You get today’s star prize!
      AnElephant is disappointed you needed comments to understand his little tale.
      He is interested to know what he did not make clear.
      Enjoy your tea.

      Like

      • zookyworld says:

        I think I was so caught up in the possibilities raised by the actions (him getting hit by a car, what was in the note) that I was sluggish in my reading. I wouldn’t change a thing about the story. 100 words limits how much we can explain. Plus, I enjoy stories that don’t hit me over the head with explanation. I like that yours is subtle — as that adds to the dreading feeling.

        Like

  11. mike olley says:

    We need another gust of wind to stop that note from ever reaching him. Nicely done.

    Like

  12. Glynis says:

    I love the suspense of this story, Love is truly blind!

    Like

  13. Linda Vernon says:

    Uh oh AnelephantCant! You lost me. But then again I’m terrible at figuring out plots to movies too!! 😀

    Like

  14. Oh, geez, the poor guy! Yes, he’s still happy until he sees the note which could run the gamut from a lover to the wife being a alien who married him to eat him. Deftly written!

    Like

  15. Oh why, oh why must AnElephant burst our bubble? Pop! I once loved elephants and now approach them cautiously. Alas… Well done, sir.

    Like

  16. You made us care about that poor man, MrAnelephant. Of course, we want to ignore your well-placed and subtle clues. But deep down we know…

    Like

  17. A note from her lover, no doubt. 😦

    Like

  18. helenmidgley says:

    Wow, what a hook. Brilliant job of leaving everyone wanting more, shame on you 😉

    Like

  19. Well, I am not happy with this story. He crosses the street, oblivious to the traffic, yet he is not run over. We do not have any idea about the note, and really, I feel un-satisfied with your tale this week, oh elephant. I want some indication of what the hell is happening.

    Like

  20. kz says:

    i have a feeling that his happiness is about to be shattered. oh well, it was good while it lasted. 🙂 AnElephantCant did a great job in leaving the tiny clues

    Like

  21. Adam Ickes says:

    The only question that remains is what bad news does the note hold? Wonderful story, Sir Elephant.

    Like

  22. misskzebra says:

    No no no no no. I’m not having it. The note can be something to do with how healthy the foetus is, and then he falls to pieces with happiness. You have a reader here who’s stubbornly made up her mind.

    Like

  23. That word “still” in the last line is a killer. You did a wonderful job setting up the foreboding. I was expecting him to get hit by a car while she watched, but this is worse. Great story though.

    Like

  24. The last part of that last line left us hanging in the most terrible way. Being a FF story, I can’t help but expect the worst, yet your story was so happy that I hope I’m wrong.

    janet

    Like

  25. claireful says:

    Oh so poignant! A wonderful image. And I know it will be bad news just from your last too words ‘still happy’. I don’t want him to pick it up.

    Like

  26. high five and raspberries says:

    Does he read the note before he falls to pieces??? questions..questions..

    Like

  27. Ye Pirate says:

    A very close call…or was it…I agree, its all on that piece of paper settling into his happy hand..

    Like

  28. Dear Sir elephant, I cant help but think there is something not so good upon that note. Crushed love, the note or the lorry he doesn’t see?

    Like

  29. Al says:

    Cool, I like that 🙂

    Like

  30. Dear Elephant,

    I’m so hoping that note is good news. Nicely done.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

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